


too bad we wasted our christmas cheer on holiday heartbreak

by smoke_rings_and_paper_dolls



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Jaehyungparkian, M/M, also a bit of anxiety mentions, christmas fluff n angst :3, enjoy tho !!, i write too much parkian angst hhh, mentions of spiking drinks, might just re mention these in the note because nobody fucken reads tags anyways smh, no seriously, oh and mentions of drinking, oh yeah christmas tag, parkian, parkian christmas feels, the day i write proper parkian fluff without angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:48:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28503258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoke_rings_and_paper_dolls/pseuds/smoke_rings_and_paper_dolls
Summary: it's christmas eve and jae and younghyun were supposed to spend it together.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Kudos: 28





	too bad we wasted our christmas cheer on holiday heartbreak

**Author's Note:**

> forgive me for the parkian angst (that seems to be a recurring theme tbh doesn't seem like it'll change anytime soon) but there's fluff towards the end, maybe if you squint. merry belated christmas and let's not talk about the new year because i do Not intend to jinx it.   
> ALSO;; small warning for a brief mention of alcohol, drinking and spiking of drinks. there will also be allusions to anxiety/panic attacks, or just general discomfort and anxiety, but it's nothing too triggering.  
> enjoy !!

younghyun wasn’t expecting him to call. 

not after his extensive spiel about finally standing up to his fears or making the most of his youth or having a good time. not after he’d slammed the door, voices raised just a shade above snappy and the crease between his brows had barely just furrowed, the irritation just shining through. no, younghyun  _ really _ wasn’t expecting him to call. 

it was christmas eve, and jae had celebrated all twenty five years in his christian household with him and his family and he was, understandably so, a little tired of tradition. younghyun hadn’t celebrated in years, not with his family, at least and he’d wanted so terribly to celebrate with what little pomp two broke college kids could afford; the age-old recipes of eggnog and plum cake he’d wrangled from jae’s kind grand-aunt, a cheap plastic tree with a feathery glittery boa wrapped around it from younghyun’s theatre days, some fairy lights, some lit candles- and jae. 

or so he’d hoped. 

it had been the silliest, yet most terrifying argument they’d had, ever. why won’t you stay to celebrate versus why can’t you let me live my life; a few unnecessary jabs on jae’s part ( _ it’s not like you know what it feels like for fuck’s sake, never being invited to anything _ \--), a little unhelpful passive-aggression from younghyun ( _ why are you being so selfish? I just want to have this one thing, jesus _ -) and it had just edged awful, just crossed the line neither of them wanted to cross when jae slammed the door shut. 

fine. 

jae would go to his fucking party, and younghyun would stay at home;  _ alone _ , was what nobody said. 

god, and when the door shut behind his back it took everything in younghyun to not crumple in a ball at the foot of his crappy excuse for a knockoff christmas tree, to not sob and sob and sob at his own pathetic loneliness, his own stubborn anger, his own fault  _ his fault _ . he was being selfish in asking jae to stay, of course he was- but he so terribly didn’t want to be alone. 

it hurt him a little, stung at his skin- reminded him of lonely nights in strange beds when he was still too young to carry resentment, when other kids would grab onto their parents’ hands and screaming laughter would bounce off the walls and he would curl up into himself under the covers of his bed and smile into his hands and read his parents’ letters to himself over and over again to make up for the aching in his chest. 

the week building up to christmas younghyun had seen the e-vite ping onto his and jae’s shared email account, had laughed with jae when he cracked a silly joke about their popularity soaring while simultaneously dreading the glint of excitement in his eyes. the invite had been addressed to both of them, the first after a series of party invitations that younghyun would brutally reject because the invite didn’t extend to his best friend. 

and he knew where jae was coming from, of course he did. It hurt him too, that bitter shadow in jae’s eyes when the asshole hosts would explain that they only had so many drinks to go around, that the club they were visiting was elite-level, or just plain admitting that they didn’t want nobodies at their party. but for once, just once, younghyun hoped that jae would see where he was coming from too. 

but the door had slammed shut, the lean stature disappearing into the night, and younghyun was left all alone. 

he had his pity party though. if there was one thing younghyun was good at, it was being left alone. he sang along to mariah carey on spotify, he turned down the white lights in the apartment and he took that warm shower, mumbling stupid christmas puns to the shampoo bottles before swaddling himself in his comfiest pajamas, scoffing idly at the disparity between those and the decked out sexy holiday party fit jae had walked out in. it didn’t matter, in the end; despite the countless bad christmases he’d had, this one was slowly totaling into having been the worst. 

when his phone rang, he’d already made it through half a generous serving of eggnog, a thick slab of plum cake and his third shitty holiday romcom movie starring some actor that younghyun couldn’t be less bothered to pay attention to. 

“what’s up” he mumbled through a mouthful of buttery popcorn and plum cake, not taking his eyes off the screen of the television as he held the phone up to his ear. 

“h-hyunnie?”

he almost threw his phone. it was jae. his jae. his jae park who was supposed to be at a party right about now but who was on the phone with him and sounded like he was seconds away from either throwing up or crying, neither of which seemed ideal, but it was marginally better than the prospect of jae hating him. 

“jae?” he choked, now clutching the phone like it was a lifeline. 

,,, _ he wasn’t angry, he wasn’t angry, he wasn’t angry _ ,,,

“c-can you come get me? hyunnie, please, i'm so sorry please it’s so loud here and i can’t breathe and it’s so loud here and i'm so sorry god-“ 

“jae” younghyun cut in, and his heart was doing this weird flippy thing in his chest that felt like absolute agony because jae was probably not okay and he hadn’t been there for him, he hadn’t been able to take care of his best friend and already he was throwing a coat on over his worn out ratty pajamas and grabbing dowoon's car keys from where he’d left them on the kitchen counter and heading for the door. he sent a quick text to dowoon, telling him he’d borrowed the car for a bit before flat sprinting down the stairs. 

“fuck- jae i'm going to need you to breathe for me, okay and tell me exactly where you are okay? can you tell me where the party is and keep taking to me okay? I swear to god i'm not mad at you at all and i'm on my way, i'm in the car right now okay?” and he was backing out into the road as fast as he possible could, ice crunching and skidding under his tires 

“jae, you there? i'm going to need the address of the party, can you give me that?” younghyun murmured gently, slipping the phone between his ear and shoulder and closing his eyes as he waited for response. Jae was going to be fine; he could look after himself for a few minutes and younghyun would be there with him in minutes. he'd be fine, he’d be fine,,,,

“y-yeah, it’s right off the block at uhm,,,, the corner turn, with the dunkin’ donuts?” jae whispered weakly, breathing into the mix of the phone. younghyun recalled vague memory of a dunkin’ donuts near kevin's parents’ mansion- that must be the one. 

“the one with the record store right opposite?” he confirmed, taking a turn into a familiar alley. at jae’s hum of confirmation, he floored it. 

five minutes of sweaty palms on the leather steering wheel, of gently relaying random words back and forth just to hear jae talk, just to know he was okay, and he was there.

when he saw that beloved lanky figure hunched over himself on the street and leaning into a car on the street, all thoughts of anger and argument flew out of his mind. the car skidded to a stop across the street, door slamming open and shut and finally jae was in his arms. 

“c-cold,,,” he whispered, burying his nose into the warm of younghyun’s embrace. there was a wordless chill, a conversation waiting to happen- younghyun’s worry and jae’s explanation- but for now they were here and they were together and all was right with the world. 

from there it was the silent ride home, younghyun pretending not to notice jae’s tears, jae pretending to not notice younghyun’s imploring gaze, helping each other up the stairs and into the apartment. 

younghyun got the door as jae hobbled towards the bathroom, sticking a mug of water into the microwave before trailing behind jae. he followed jae, getting the heater switch, the lights. they stepped into the miniscule stall in tandem, a comfortable silence that had no room for questions. 

younghyun leaned against the cold tile, waiting patiently as jae peeled off his jacket, his shirt, his ripped jeans that curved so well over the flesh of his hips (and younghyun would’ve told him so earlier that evening, had the words not choked and festered in his throat out of fear) and then discarded them in a pile at the sink, with younghyun’s careful help.

younghyun would’ve turned then, left, had it not been for jae’s tentative hand on his shoulder blade bringing him to a halt. 

“its cold” jae whispered; incoherency that only younghyun understood. 

he pulled off his shirt, his dollar-store pajama pants, stepping into the stall and slotting himself behind the arc of jae’s back, letting his gaze settle on the gentle shivers that ran down the length of that pale spine, those broad shoulders. he reached behind himself, flipped the handle. 

it was cold on his back at first, but he bore it silently, slowly stepping away when the irregular stream warmed, letting the water fall on jae’s shoulders. 

they stood there like that, younghyun tucked awkwardly into jae’s side, shuffling ever so often to accommodate both bodies under the meagre flow, the steam fogging up the glass and cutting off the rest of the world until it was just them and the warmth. a soft sigh escaped into the air, jae’s hand sliding over younghyun’s shoulder and resting at the curve of his neck, his thumb tracing the hollow of his throat, his collarbone. breathing careful, gazes slipping and tripping over each other; there was a novelty to this. 

younghyun reached, the skin of his arm sliding against jae’s abdomen, muscle pulled taught over bone, grabbed for jae’s citrus body wash. he pumped a generous amount into the palm of his hand, lathering and gathering the suds carefully as jae watched wordlessly, the familiar scent of jae-concentrate filling the small space. 

up and over the shoulders, traversing the expanse of his bare chest, his hands worked into the pale skin that he loved so much, gently washing away the aches and grime of a terrible night. he couldn’t bear to meet jae’s eyes, terrified of what he may find waiting there- rejection, disgust, reciprocation- so he steeled his gaze somewhere above where jae’s heart beats silently, focuses on the task at hand. 

and then jae was shifting, his hand coming up to flick a few suds onto his fingers, rising to younghyun’s face. jaw in palm, thumb on the apple of his cheek, younghyun didn’t breathe as jae swiped a line across his cheek, nose; he was smiling.

it was a great waking thing, havoc ensuing, that was rampaging in younghyun’s chest, and for a second he was almost terrified jae would hear it. it was something he was used to, something he’d been shoving under the carpet for years, terrified of the consequences. but he was here now, it hadn’t killed him yet. 

the suds disappeared down the drain, taking a little bit of his fear with them.

they stepped out of the shower- jae going first, younghyun following behind him- and they tracked water into the shared bedroom, shivering in the chill of the air. jae grab bed two towels, wrapped one around his hips and gently draped the other over younghyun’s shoulder; younghyun was pretty sure both of them are his. 

“it was really loud” he mumbled, tucking his head into a shirt as younghyun toweled the water out of his hair. “someone put something in my drink, things were off, people have no concept of personal space either” he sighed slowly, and when he straightened, he looked at younghyun and smiled weakly. 

“you were right; I never should’ve gone” he laughed bitterly, running a hand through his damp hair in frustration. 

the words left a bad taste in the back of younghyun’s throat. he watched jae’s back disappear behind the door in silence, pulled down on his cardigan and followed. 

“it wasn’t supposed to be like that” he said, catching jae’s hand in his own. 

they stopped at the threshold of the bedroom, and younghyun intertwined his fingers into jae’s slender one. he turned his palm upwards, tracing the lines up the fingertips, smiled sadly. 

“you should’ve gone, you should’ve had a good fucking time. you should’ve gotten drunk on crappy store-bought eggnog and screamed the explicit version of ‘santa claus is coming to town’ and danced the eve away. you should’ve got all that, and its unfair you didn’t” younghyun said, and when he looked up jae was smiling down at him. 

“you weren’t there though” 

the words snagged like a line in younghyun’s heart, tugging and tearing. 

“what?” 

jae laughed like it was obvious, like the answer was right there all along. he reached, taking younghyun’s hands up, bringing them over his shoulders so that younghyun’s face was now just inches away from his own. warm breath washed over his lips. 

“hyunnie, i really don’t give a fuck about eggnog or carols or dancing. I give a fuck about you” 

their breaths were faltering, chests rising and falling in unison, and jae was sporting the greatest, saddest smile ever. 

“I wanted to just,,, I wanted to spend that christmas party with you. I wanted you to come along and drink stupid fucking eggnog with me and sing stupid explicit carols and dance with me to shitty pop music, and I wanted it with you” he sighs, and his eyes were shut, his head falling so his forehead thumped into younghyun’s and the steel of his glasses slipped up against the bridge of younghyun’s nose. 

“you fucking idiot” younghyun was saying, and he was half aware that his eyes were brimming with tears, but he shoved them down and pressed his arms around jae. 

“I wanted to spend christmas with you too, with your aunt’s plum cake recipe and the shitty excuse for a christmas tree and Netflix the fuck out of the holiday spirit. I even prepared those ugly knit sweaters, the ones they talk about in movies and shit, god-”

and jae was cutting him off with the warmest hug he’d had in a while, pressing his nose into younghyun’s damp hair and they were standing there and holding each other and laughing, because they truly were the biggest idiots. 

“I’m going to kiss you now” jae proclaimed, and he did, his heart hammering away under where younghyun’s palm rested over his chest, and it was a terrible kiss, all teeth and wet and laughter but younghyun kissed him back, seven years’ worth of built up emotion letting itself into a stupid movie-worthy kiss. 

they parted for air, taking in the realization of everything- and then promptly burst out into laughter. 

“merry christmas babe” younghyun hiccupped, pressing a soft kiss into where jae’s cheeks were burning up with blush. 

“merry christmas you dumbass” jae chuckled in return. 


End file.
